For many of us there is a place in our minds that just doesn’t buy into what we believe. This is the rock that blocks the true flow of the power of the Divine. It is the reason everyday can seem hard, every out come lacking and the reason every dream turns slowly into a nightmare. While I may not choose to follow any form of organized religion it does not mean I have turned my eyes from the great wisdom’s that can be found within in them. So I unashamedly quote this :-
“You didn’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I assure you, if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
Faith is the true thing many of us sadly lack in all aspects of our life and while many of us may see ourselves as ‘spiritual’ it is our moments of pressure and despair, that often presents us with the face we don’t wish to see, the face that recoils and say’s ‘look see what good has all your Spiritual mumbo jumbo done you’ .
I know many ‘Spiritual’ people that would rather cut out their eyes than admit to you what I have just done, they would have you believe they never have doubt or problems, but this blog and everything I do must be based on honesty. I Rant and rave like a mad man at times, in the right (or wrong) moments the cracks open in me and the ugly fear and doubt spews out.
Despite all my work has told me and all the things I have learnt, I’m still not fully in the flow of life. I still do not have the full faith of a mustard seed, I’m in the river but I still hanging on to a branch.
On and off over the past two week I have been trying to produce a new slide video that will have me finally talking on it about my work. I have been trying to speed it through like a task to be done, in all honestly it has been a joyless affair for me and so I have been faced with obstacle after obstacle in its production. On Wednesday I uploaded the video to Youtube it failed to upload 3 times and when it finally did it looked the worst quality I have ever seen and the sound was really bad as well.
Finally once all the cursing and drama had subsided, I realized that the whole thing really didn’t feel right, it did not echo the joy, wisdom and inspiration that my work so often gives me. So all the problems in the production had be warning signs (which I had over looked) to the fact that this video was not in my best interests or anyone else’s . I had failed as we often do to listen to my feelings the ‘small still voice’ the only thing that can keep us on the right path. So straight way I acted and deleted the video slide, I will start it again soon from a totally different mindset and put it to one side as soon as it becomes a task.
Yesterday (Thurs 12th) I went down to the sea front in an attempt to chill out and connect back into nature something I hadn’t done in weeks. I took my camera with me as I always do and tried to take some images of the sea that was very turbulent by our standards . At first it was like I didn’t even know how to use the camera I was uptight and really wanted a good shot, but slowly as I relaxed and ‘let go’ I was able to get a few wonderful shots that just showed the amazing complexity the waves have as they come onto the beach. I returned home in high spirits, I know this blog may seem a little rambling but the upshot of it is that good things truly only ever happen when you stop grasping for results and are in a state of joy. In our current climate it is hard to stop our minds being transfixed by fear and doubt, the truth is virtually every event of life is beyond our control. All we can do it send out our most positive and joy filled intentions and have that small seed of faith and give the divine force the peace and space to take care of the rest (If it is ultimately in our best interest)
I have included below a wonderful verse I found on the web and a close up of two of the sections of sea pictures from yesterday. I’m happy to say I’m going to have a chilled out weekend and what ever happens I’m sure it will be just great. Thank you for dropping by .
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help
In ways that were my own
At last I snatched them back and cried
How could You be so slow?
My child, He said, What could I do?
You never did let go?” – Anon
Much of the detail is lost in these small versions but you get the general idea